Knowing what we want

March 6, 2018

I have experienced some journeys towards realising what I want.

 

My discoveries could inspire you all in knowing what you want. 

 

Desires are about other people, not just about ourselves. 

 

I just don't believe in pursuing self-interests. Let's consider loved ones and communities when making choices. It sounds obvious, but today's individualistic society says just do what you want. However, there are alternatives for decision making that involve more than the individual. 

 

There's a deeply joyful feeling when making selfless choices. Don't be a doormat. But if we truly value friends and family, a bit of compromise can achieve greater social cohesion. 

 

Consider the impact on the people around us

 

If I did what I want, regardless of the impact on others, I would become over-indulgent. Truly selfish actions could have negative consequences for the human beings around me. That's just messed up. Instead, small trade-offs feel even better. Doing the 'right thing' is amazing. 

 

Valuing ideas and opinions from respected people 

 

Beyond service for loved ones and the community, we can also make decisions by asking trusted advisors for input. I feel more comfortable after knowledgeable experts confirm or question my options. Even just getting a 'second set of eyes' on a problem can be extremely helpful. Just like proof reading is important, I feel more confident after situations have been double checked. I often randomly approach family and ask for their thoughts on something. Asking for advice is different to mindless obedience. We can be advised and then freely make independent decisions.

 

Listening to inner voice and instinct 

 

We all have intuitive hunches about the right direction Of course, decisions should be informed and educated. But that initial reaction can hint towards the way forward. 

 

I followed a 'feeling' when moving a particular location on the coast. We could have relocated to one of many neighbourhoods. Those boxes in the checklist of criteria were ticked. After that, we chose a place that felt right. Intuition can be that simple. 

 

Research from credible sources and then have a preference

 

Knowledge really is power. We really can feel more empowered when becoming deeply informed. Then we can be closer to knowing what we want. 

 

Trial and error provides experiential basis for choices 

 

Sometimes our true desires are revealed after learning what we don't want. Further wisdom could grow with age. But I have felt wise from early adulthood. Sure, I made some choices that had colourful consequences. Sometimes external forces combine so our plans backfire, and that's ok. I previously trusted some people who weren't prepared to be trustworthy. Those moments taught me about what types of people I want to be around (nice ones, basically). 

 

Build a toolkit of decision making techniques to then know what you want 

 

I have shared just a bunch of methods I follow to then know what I want. Hopefully some could work for you all. Try selfless compromise instead of overly individualistic self-centred moves. Bounce ideas off trusted folks who know about what you're dealing with. Listen to the gut instinct. Research by reading up on options. Learn from the past to realise what you don't want. These are some tools I embrace in my life as a professional communications specialist, wife and creative. Hope it helps!  

 

 

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Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia

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